I don’t mention it much, but I’m an entrepreneurial, go-get-’em, many-irons-in-the-fire, have-my-people-call-your-people kind of guy! Barely a day goes by when I don’t start a new business with a choice punning name and announce it on Twitter.

Twitter just switched the switch to let me download my tweets archive, so I immediately did that and grepped it for my many many new business names. Here they are:

Buying jangly things for my new sensory stimulation and meditation chamber, “We have nothing to hear but here itself”

Locating premises for my new Newcastle-based cutlery steam-cleaning service, “Fog on the Tine”

Buying tiger balm for my new physiotherapy practice in Gosforth, “Knee Bother”

Buying cages for my new exotic birds shop, “Super Mario Plovers”

Buying a PRS licence for my new musical instruments shop, “If you’ve got it: flautist.”

Getting security clearance for my new spa strictly for defence officials, Intercontinental Holistic Missile.

Acquiring a PRS licence for my new cellar bar under the Newton Institute, “Fermat’s Last Beer-Room”

“The customer is always right.” That’s something we strongly believe in at my new pest extermination company, Sick Of Ants

Hiring bar staff for my new underground opera hall, “Grotto Voce”

Scouting for locations for my new concept café with a chess board at every table, “En Croissant”.

Buying stock for my new kids’ clothing shop, Newcastle upon Tiny.

Soupremum. Simpleggs. Identitea. All on the menu at my new mathematical bistrho.

Trying to get Fearne Cotton to endorse my new back scratcher design. I’ll call it the Fearne Itcher.

In Chinatown looking for premises for my new laser hair removal business, Singe-A-Pore

looking for angel investors for my new estate agency specialising in flipping run-down urban homes: Quain’t.

seeking funders for my new-Romantic fireworks show, “Sturm und Bang”.

now taking orders for my new range of Provençal crockery, S’il te Plate.

please buy my new range of plates featuring images of the abyss, a navel, the circle of life and the night sky: “ContemPlates”

looking for investors in my new chain of kosher Argentinian steakhouses, “Gaucho Marx”

Lost a favourite mallard recently? Then come down to my new duck cloning service, Quacksimile!

Meeting the pope later to discuss my idea for a convent based on an airship, called “Nun of the Above”

Drawing up a health and safety plan for my new plush toy cleaning service, Teddy Gross Felt

Flying to Wyoming to scout locations for my new convalescence home for introverts, Cheyenne Retiring

Buying leather and painting everything black for my new wedding parlour for goths, “Doom and Groom”.

Finalising the tasting menu at my new restaurant focused on taboo meats, “Horses, Four Courses”

Well, I like them.